


radio silence

by iamnotalizard



Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016)
Genre: Angst, Bodhi was an undercover pilot au, Cassian-centric, M/M, Semi-Canon Compliant
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-23
Updated: 2016-12-23
Packaged: 2018-09-11 12:06:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,704
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8979049
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iamnotalizard/pseuds/iamnotalizard
Summary: They meet young, foolish, full of hopes and bravery and pride and righteous anger. They part, older, wiser, but no less brave or hopeful, with a kiss. White noise, static, radio silence.





	

**Author's Note:**

> i knwot here r a few continuity errors n like things that would complicate the movie but yall i chruned this out at 3 am give me a rest

They meet young, foolish, full of hopes and bravery and pride and righteous anger. They know about the horrors of war; of the Empire and of the Rebels, but have yet to experience it. The world is exciting, an adventure that is meant to end so soon, _so goddamn soon,_ that neither of them can bare to stay at bases anymore, both itching to leave and help more.

 

They meet in a hangar bay, an older pilot teaching a group of teenagers about the specifics of fighter parts and controls. Cassian and Bodhi are at the edge of their seats, hanging off of every word. They both stay behind after the class, to ask more questions about ships, about flying, about the _fight._

 

It’s only natural that they gravitate towards each other after that. With both their brains and Cassian charisma and Bodhi’s ability to adapt, they shot up to the top of the class, to higher ranks. All the while, sharing kisses in nearly empty hallways, and sneakily holding hands underneath the table in the mess hall (Neither are sneaky, and everyone knows that at night they sneak out of their rooms so that they can climb on the roof and stargaze together.)

 

They part, older, wiser, but no less brave or hopeful, with a kiss, with Cassian saying, “You better come back soon.” and with Bodhi hitting his chest playfully.

 

“You couldn’t keep me away from you if you tried.” he smiles, promises that anytime he can sneak in a radio transmission without blowing his cover, he will. And so, Cassian watches Bodhi climb aboard a stealth ship, about to go into the heart of the Empire, undercover as a new cargo pilot, and wonders about the next time he’ll get to hold Bodhi again.

 

Weeks turn into months, not that Cassian ever kept track of time that way. Missions fade into each other, new recruits replace older dead colleagues and life goes on, though the ache in Cassian chest remains each time he lands on a planet, sees couples, sees sights that Bodhi always wanted to see.

 

 _Next time, together._ A promise he makes to himself frequently.

 

It’s nine months into Bodhi’s mission (Seven of radio silence from him), when he finally defects from the Empire. When Cassian gets the news, he nearly starts crying right there in the back alley.

 

“There’s spies everywhere,” his contact had said, unknowing that he was absolutely right. After that, it blurs. Cassian meets Jyn, butts heads with her, takes her and K-2SO to Jeddah, gets caught in a firefight, somehow picks up an ex-monk and assassin and they all - sans K-2SO - begin to make their way to Saw. Cassian has never been a strong believer in anything except the Rebellion, but when Chirrut starts saying his prayer, and he can’t figure out how to escape, Cassian wishes that he was. Then, if he let Bodhi rot in some godawful torture room that Saw has somewhere, he could blame it on something other than himself.

 

“Who’s in the other cell?” And it’s the sight of goggles, hair slightly longer than he’s used too, and the outline of a familiar face that nearly converts Cassian into a monk himself. For a few minutes, Bodhi is broken, only mumbling confused sentences with a faraway look in his eyes.

 

Cassian knows, knows deep inside him, that if Bodhi is broken beyond repair, if he can’t bring Bodhi back to the present, and can’t get him out of the cell, that he’ll have to leave him here. Cassian also knows, deep down, that he’ll disregard orders, mission safety and protocols if it meant that he’ll be with Bodhi again.

 

It doesn’t come to that. Bodhi recognizes himself, and then Cassian. He stands up, and touches his face through the exposed bars of the cell. (Later, they both act like they weren't both just a few choked words away from crying.)

 

“I thought I’d never see you again.” Bodhi whispers, too soft for the guards to hear over their own racket. “I thought I’d never escape the Empire, or that I would die here,” there’s a waver in his voice. Cassian sticks as much of his hand as he can through the bars so that he can touch Bodhi’s face.

 

“You know I’d never leave you,” he whispers. Baze and Chirrut have politely tuned out the conversation, “You know I’ll always come back for you, regardless of where you are, or where I am. We’re in this together, until the end.”

 

Bodhi nods, sniffles, steps back so that he can wipe his nose on the back of his hand. The ground rumbles, and dust starts to fall from the ceiling. Cassian opens the cell door, they escape, he gets Jyn, leaves Saw to die, and then they’re all running.

 

For the first time in nine months, Cassian gets to hold Bodhi’s hand again, granted, it is to pull him along to the ship to avoid imminent death, but he’ll take it over nothing any day. There’s more people than he’d like on his ship, not a moment alone to be spared with Bodhi, and even if there was, there isn’t a quiet enough corner.

 

They head to Eadu. Bodhi can tell that Cassian isn’t going just to take a look, knows that Gallen will not be boarding the ship with them later. As they walk along the cliff side, they whisper softly about what has gone on in the months that they have been apart. Friends that died, friends that got married, friends that have gone missing by choice and by force.

 

They find a spot to look at the research facility, and finally, they share a kiss again. It’s soft, a surprise on Cassian side, with Bodhi leaning over to cup his face gently. Cassian puts his hands over Bodhi’s, and closes his eyes, but that’s partly due to the rain. They stay there, body and lips unmoving for a few seconds, just basking in the closeness of the other. They part, and Bodhi puts his lips on Cassian’s forehead.

 

“I missed you so much,” he says, breath suddenly ragged, “I missed you so much, and I was _so scared_ , that’d I’d get found out and that I’d never see you again.”

 

“Hey, hey, hey,” Cassian says, grabbing Bodhi’s hands, and bringing himself to eye level, “You’re safe, okay. Safe. You’re here, with me, and yes, we’re both on Eadu, but we’re together. You were so brave, Bodhi, so brave.” He leaned over to place another kiss on Bodhi’s lips, “I’m so proud of you.”

 

Bodhi smiles, and if he blushes, then the storm and the dark hide it.

 

“Now, help me find Gallen so that we can get off this stupid rock.”

  


Later in the stolen ship, Jyn confronts him about the plot to kill her father, and Cassian doesn’t think that he’ll ever see eye-to-eye with her, morally. She says her piece, and he his, before he leaves for the cock pit. The only person who Cassian ever felt like he needed to explain himself to is Bodhi, easy to talk too, calm, level headed Bodhi, who mended Cassian’s wounds after missions, and who held him at night when he feels the weight of all his sins bearing down on him at once. Bodhi stayed silent during the short argument, which Cassian can respect. After a few minutes, he comes up to say sorry about not defending him, which Cassian just waves off. K-2SO is as nice as he can manage while Bodhi spends the majority of the trip glued to Cassian’s side, or sitting on his lap.

 

Things don’t get any easier, and days are still blurred, but for the short while, Cassian is happier and calmer than he’s been in a long time. Accusations are made, the Alliance is divided and finally, the Counsel says that they will not fight. Cassian only feels a little bit bad that for a split second, he thinks not of the cause, but of how to protect Bodhi. Of where they can escape too, in this big, vast universe, all of which is seeming to crumble around them. But both he and Bodhi were not born to run, to surrender, to leave before there’s only one man standing, and they decide to fight alongside Jyn. Cassian gathers all the other Rebels that he knows won’t shy away, and together they all make their way to Scarif.

 

Cassian decides to go with Jyn and K-2SO to find the plans, and he tells Bodhi to stay put on the ship.

 

“You're our only way out of here,” Cassian says, before leaning in closer, “I… I need you to stay here, where it’s safest. Please.”

 

Bodhi gives him a small glare, “Cassian, that’s not fair.”

 

“I have never claimed to be a fair captain.”

 

The look on Bodhi’s face remains, only for a few seconds more, then it drops. “You better come back.”

 

Cassian swallows, “You know I will. I won’t leave you.” Bodhi nods, looks down and grabs Cassian’s hands.

 

“You want to know something embarrassing?”

 

“Sure.” This isn’t the time or place, Cassian wants to say, they’re only minutes from touchdown, but everyone else is having similar goodbyes.

 

“When we first started dating, I imagined our wedding, probably a hundred times.” Cassian smiles and laughs a bit, “Really?”

 

Bodhi nods, “It’s embarrassing, we were so young and we had only been dating for, what? Three months, when I first thought about it.”

 

“You knew you wanted to marry me after only three months?” Cassian asks, still smiling and holding Bodhi’s hands. Bodhi nods and laughs a bit. “Want to know something embarrassing?”

 

“Sure.” Bodhi says, and faintly they hear K-2SO saying, ‘Landing in two minutes.’

 

“I thought about marrying you after two weeks.” and Bodhi looks up with wide eyes.

 

“Two weeks?!”

 

“Yeah, knew you were the one for me right then.” For a few seconds they stare at each other, before Bodhi leans in to give Cassian a quick kiss.

 

“Tell you what,” Cassian says, as everyone begins to get ready for landing, “When this is all over, when we get back, we’ll get married. Your dream wedding. Whatever you imagined, we’ll do it.”

 

“Oh really?” Bodhi asks, starting to climb back up to the controls.

 

“Yep, whatever your weird teenage mind came up with, we’ll do it.”

 

Bodhi smiles down at Cassian, and in that moment, despite their chosen mission, and the odds, and everyone else in the ship, both of them felt like the universe was only the two of them. And they had both never felt so loved.

 

The ship lands perfectly, and Cassian, Jyn and K-2SO make their way into the Citadel. When Cassian gives the signal, they can hear the explosion even behind the thick metal wall, and Cassian swears he can feel the vibrations in his bones. They get to the archive without much trouble, and that’s when things take a turn for the worse. The shield goes up, Stormtroopers start coming over to check on them.

 

Bodhi tells him that with the shields up, they can’t transmit anything. Cassian just tells him to figure something out. Cassian swears the three of them see hundreds of project titles, ranging from blueprints to other weapons of mass destruction, to the blueprints of restrooms and sleeping quarters. It’s while scanning through all the structures that Cassian is filled with the overwhelming feeling that this, this awful building in the middle of the beautiful but evil planet, is where he is going to die. He pulls out his radio, blueprint names rushing across the screen almost faster than he can read.

 

“Bodhi? Bodhi, can you hear me?” White noise. He tries again, “Bodhi, are you there?”

For a moment, all he gets is fuzz, before, “Yeah, it’s Bodhi, now really isn’t the best time, Cassian.”

 

“I know, I know, I just,” Cassian is lost for words. There’s more blaster fire outside the vault, and K-2SO says that he is now scanning another archive.

 

“How’s it going with getting the transmission up?” Not what he wanted to say, but it’s still a decent question.

 

White noise again, and then, “It’s- It’s coming along.” Cassian pretends like he can’t hear screaming on the other side. For a second, just for a second, he closes his eyes and pretends like he’s talking to Bodhi through some shitty Alliance borrowed communicator, like they’re just on different sides of the base, and that it’s only the two of them talking, like the rest of the squad can’t hear. (Though, they probably aren’t paying much attention.)

 

“Okay, okay, good.” More blaster fire outside, “Bodhi, I just. You know I love you, right?”

 

White noise, static, and then, “What? Of course I do, why wouldn’t I?”

 

“I just. I don’t say it enough, but I do. I love you so much, Bodhi, more than anything else.”

 

Static, silence, “I love you too, Cassian.”

 

“When this is all over,” Cassian knows that when this is over there will be nothing, “When this is all over, I swear, we’ll get married, and, and, we’ll go anywhere you want. Just the two of us, together.”

 

Silence, “That. That sounds nice.” The sound of screaming and explosions is getting louder through the radio, “Cassian, I love you too. And. And, we’ll get out of this, we always do, okay? We’ll-.”

 

The sound of metal hitting metal goes through the radio, and then static, then silence returns.

 

“Bodhi?” Cassian calls through the radio. Static. “Bodhi?” White noise. “Bodhi, please.” He knows there’s no point in calling out, but somehow pretending is all he can do. There’s a mission, and no matter how much he wants to give up right now, he can’t.

 

K-2SO locks the vault, the sound of blasters all the confirmation that Jyn and Cassian need to realize that now they are on their own, and Cassian feels so overwhelmed that he can’t even process his friend’s death. They break the window, they climb. Cassian feels the world blurring together, time drifting away from him. He gets shot. He falls. Deep under his skin, he feels bone crack, and pain shoots through his body. Jyn leaves him on the platform, and Cassian can’t bring himself to feel betrayed. He would have done the same. He lays, unmoving, for a few minutes, can still hear explosions and gunfire from outside.

 

He knows Bodhi isn’t going to get out of this alive. Neither is he. It’s with this thought that he has to decide what to do. To give up, to die on this platform, or to keep moving. To try to prolong the inevitable. No one is making it off this planet.

 

Cassian feels empty, somehow, but he refuses to die here, so close to the goal of the mission, so close to helping the Rebellion, he refuses to allow Bodhi’s death to be pointless. He crawls his way out to the top of the tower. He shoots Krennic, and Jyn sends the schematics.

 

“You think anyone is listening?” Cassian asks. Jyn says she’s sure.

 

It’s when they’re both limping out of the building, across the sand that they see how they’ll die, the sound having reached them minutes before. The explosion, even Cassian has to admit, hunched on the sand, the gentle tide lapping at his knees, is breathtaking.

 

There’s no way out of here, he thinks.

 

“Your father would have been proud.” Is what he says. Jyn smiles.

 

“Bodhi will be proud of you.” Cassian does not.

 

The brightness is beginning to hurt their eyes, as they hug. Cassian closes his eyes, and with his wounded tired body, he can almost pretend that Jyn’s smaller, more muscular body, is Bodhi’s leaner one, instead. He’s almost certain that Jyn is pretending he’s someone else as well.

 

Even with closed eyes, Cassian can still see the brightness of the blast. He can only hope that someone got those blueprints, and that they are far, far away.

 

His skin hurts, his muscles hurt, he feels hurt all the way down to his bones, and for a second it’s unbearable. And then, there’s nothing. Static, white noise, radio silence.

**Author's Note:**

> u kno that one tumblr text post that is like 'rogue one is an earthquake' 'explain' 'Shook Me'?? i ghost wrote that
> 
> also i might change the title but idk???   
> funfact the title of my google docs is: bassian thingy TITLE MAYBE RADIO SILENCE??? LETS B EMO  
> that's all i got 4 u folks, have a good day


End file.
